


this love

by ninthdreamie



Series: lovelust [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Bottom Lee Jeno, Boys In Love, Established Relationship, First Time, M/M, Sappy, Sexual Content, Tearjerking Fluff, Top Na Jaemin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:28:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22614871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninthdreamie/pseuds/ninthdreamie
Summary: Jeno finds it difficult, having to say those three words.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Series: lovelust [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1626049
Comments: 6
Kudos: 166





	this love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [angstonly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstonly/gifts).



> hello, this is another one of my 1 year old nsfw wips finally seeing the light! i was planning to supposed this next week, but i couldn't wait any longer. i wanted to show this to everyone, actually, since it's one of the fics i personally loved to write back then. i did major tweaks on it though, since i still believe it was a bit shitty hehe. I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS JAC, and enjoy!

Jeno finds it difficult, having to say those three words.

For some reason, whenever someone he cares about tells him that—most especially when they don’t spare a warning beforehand, he feels pressure starting to course through his veins. The world that never rests, never stops spinning suddenly _stills_.

It's like some deity above everyone in the world is watching, waiting and expecting him to say it in return, hoping that it slips past his lips so casually.

And he ends up never saying it back.

That is, until a Na Jaemin entered his life without any warning from the deity above. He made his entrance the moment he offered him help to pick up the things he dropped, sporting a smile so bright Jeno thought he’d go blind if he looked longer. After thanking him and dashing to his next class, the latter _swore_ that this encounter was just a one time thing, that he would eventually be forgotten, and that all that he will ever be was a stranger he helped.

He was wrong, though. Gosh, this deity liked proving him wrong, always puts some twists and turns in his uninteresting life.

From being some schoolmate who offered him help, to that clingy acquaintance who just wanted to get to know him more, Jaemin ended up being his optimistic, loud, and loving best friend in such a short span of time.

If it weren’t for him, Jeno would probably be still stuck in his shell, would still be bottling up all his emotions like he’s expected to do, and would still have tried to be the person everyone wanted him to be.

“Don’t be scared of…opening your heart to me, okay?” Jaemin assured him during one of those nights when Jeno felt like he was about to lose his mind from the regrets that kept piling up every second, the pressure that his family and ‘friends’ were imposing on him, and his own mind convincing him that he had no one to run to. “I got you.”

Adding to that, Jaemin never brought up promises; but to Jeno, it seemed like the promises were unspoken, and were only revealed through his actions.

On the night Jaemin gave him an ambiguous but still romantic handwritten letter, and confessed his current feelings to him in person the next day, he said that he would try his best not to let Jeno down. “And you should know that I love you. The words in that letter don’t really express what you make me feel, but...I hope you get it.”

It was on the same night as well, when Jeno lets himself be embraced, and takes the chance to appreciate Jaemin differently. Maybe he will get to understand how it feels like, loving someone, like how his grandfather loved his grandmother, and how two characters in a movie would go to greater lengths for each other. And deeply, he wanted this to last.

Ever since Jaemin became his boyfriend, the doubtful thoughts that used to roam around his brain began to disappear; life just got less miserable day by day, he finally had something to look forward to. Along with that, Jeno no longer doubted his love. He liked to think that he understood it too.

Honestly, who would have thought that instead of moping around, he would be in the position where he is currently losing his mind from a number of sensations that are making his body react so strangely?

Jeno clutches onto his arms as the pain of being penetrated begins to fade, breathing heavily against Jaemin’s bare neck. People around him always talked about how first times could be nerve-wrecking and dominated by anxiety; how come he feels anything but that instead?

_Maybe it’s because it’s Jaemin_ , he thinks to himself dreamily. His train of thought comes to a halt, however, when Jaemin presses his lips against his so suddenly.

Jeno tries to match up to how Jaemin moves his lips against his own, attempting to taste more of him. He lets the latter suck on his tongue instead, making his legs tremble, a breathy moan coming out of his mouth.

“Tell me if it hurts,” Jaemin pants against his lips once he pulls away, and Jeno quickly shakes his head in response.

“It— _good_. It feels good.” A new wave of emotions hits him, and it makes his heart ache. Every time he blinks, he feels his eyes moisten. It isn’t very him to cry in moments like these.

Perhaps it’s because of the fact that he feels Jaemin _everywhere_ , most especially inside him. Perhaps it’s also because the guy towering over him is all he can think of right now, his name playing on a loop. Maybe it can also be because of the fact that said boy’s lips are leaving soft kisses on his neck, and it tickles. He _loves_ it when he does that, and it turns him on, and he doesn’t want him to stop. Perhaps it’s because he is being taken care of so well.

No one really takes care of him the way Jaemin does.

When Jaemin starts rolling his hips and Jeno can finally feel every inch of him tearing him apart, he begins to sob. It is definitely not because of the pain, he could take it.

The tears fall through his reddened cheeks so quickly, alarming the former, making him stop his movements.

Concern is all over Jaemin’s face as he asks, “Jen, babe, are you okay? Does it hurt? Am I hurting you?”

Jeno can’t control the sobs he is letting out, but his hands are stable enough to cup his boyfriend’s warm cheeks.

He is hit with this _urge._ For the first time in probably a long while, he wanted to say these three words, from the moment they looked at each other a little longer than usual, when they were having their midnight snacks in a burger joint not far from university. When Jaemin smiled at him over something he couldn’t really recall that night, Jeno _knew_. The deity was probably waiting on him to say it at that time.

That’s when Jeno began to get a grasp of what love was. That’s when he realized that he fell for Jaemin, and willingly so. That’s when he acknowledged that he wanted them to be together for a really long time, that he didn’t want to lose him.

“I—,” Jeno pauses for a bit, sucking in a breath, overwhelmed. “I love you, Jaemin.”

Before all this, he thought that he could express the way Jaemin made him feel every day through these three words. So now that he has said it, it doesn’t feel like it did. It doesn’t feel enough.

And then that particular urge intensifies, urging him to say it again, and _again_ , hoping that Jaemin gets it and understands just how much he makes him feel.

He cries even harder when Jaemin doesn’t give a massive reaction, thinking that the message didn’t get across, that maybe he didn’t feel the same way as he does, and that maybe he ruined the tension surrounding them. He was about to shrug it off, tell him to just get it over with, until Jeno feels the gaps between his fingers in both hands being filled.

Jaemin smiles at him, and it’s like he is meeting him for the first time again. It feels like that night all over again. He is feeling _so much_. Jeno’s lips tremble at the sight. “I love you too, Jeno. So much.”

Jeno slightly lifts his head from the pillow, while pulling Jaemin’s face down as their lips reconnect so naturally, like this was meant to be in the first place. The former holds him down, wraps his arms around his neck, tries his best to lock his wobbly legs around his waist.

He is still uncertain if he is doing things right, but with the way Jaemin is reacting to every single action, he thinks he has not done anything wrong yet.

“I love you.”

“I love you, baby.” Jaemin responds with his deep and calming voice.

“S-So much— _ah_ .” Jeno felt like he stopped breathing when his boyfriend hits a particular spot, and a new wave of pleasure comes hitting him. “ _Jaemin_ , Jaem, Nana… I l-love you.”

That’s all Jeno ever gets to say as Jaemin’s thrusts get deeper, even when he becomes a blabbering and sobbing mess underneath him, too lost in how good he feels.

He continues saying it, even if it gets incomprehensible since he couldn’t make sense of anything anymore, and at some point he worried if Jaemin hated it. He gets reassured through a squeeze of his hands, and the sting that comes from his boyfriend’s teeth, making marks bloom on his neck and chest.

They reach their climax at the same time, breathing heavily and seeing flashes of white, resting their foreheads against each other, their fingers still intertwined.

Jeno wouldn’t trade this moment, these feelings, the love that he has _—Jaemin_ even, for the world.

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact: while editing this, ben&ben's araw-araw played on shuffle so suddenly. like wow, damn accurate. you guys should give it a listen hehe. here's my twitter so you can scream at my face, and my curiouscat for you all to curse at me! please tell me what you think uwu


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